hey,hey.

I am a female in her approaching-mid-twenties (damn you, 23rd birthday. I see you.. 3 weeks!) and I have to say that, to me,  there is no more stress-ridden 24-hour cycle in the first quarter of a new year than the excruciatingly annoying fuckery that is Valentine’s Day. Except maybe April Fool’s Day due to the constant ducking and suspicious peering over my shoulder waiting for someone’s gag at my expense. Ha-ha. 

There are so many expectations that surround this god awful holiday that I find myself resenting in it’s entirety what is literally supposed to be a day to celebrate LOVE. Even when I have been in relationships during it, there are still expectations that to me become an exhausting expose of one’s true feelings covered in hot glued Sweethearts that have been sitting on the shelves since the second week of January. I’m TIRED ALREADY. 

So I go through the usual phases during the weeks leading up to this day. LEVEL 1: Forced indifference. “Oh, RIGHT, Valentine’s day.. ha! I never celebrate it and I certainly won’t be starting this year! Humph! Maybe I’ll just drink a lot and watch movies about the universe on Netflix because this is definitely different from every other night!”

Shortly thereafter I enter LEVEL 2: internal anguish and panic. “Yeah I don’t have a Valentine but it sure would be nice just ONCE JUST ONCE! to be in a relationship where I can put on a little dress and really slutty shoes and go to a price gouging restaurant and I am GOING TO DIE. ALONE and ALL DAY I’m going to have to WATCH these HAPPY people and I’m not even home to get the chocolates from. MY. GWANDPAAAAA.”

Somehow by the time the 14th comes around I manage to combine level one and two in a mega level disaster zone which only somehow further exasperates both my crippling self-depreciation/delusions of grandeur (being me is so fun!).

It looks a little something like: “I will lay in bed all day! And I will roll around in my underwear until I feel like it! and I’ll shower when I get to it! and I will watch Pretty Little Liars with day old make up smeared on my face! Because I’m awesome and also today sucks but I don’t suck but I do a little bit but not entirely because I can feel okay about eating a whole pizza today as long as it’s in the shape of a heart! Festive!”

Which is fine with me! I just don’t remember how normal this day is until it’s actually here. 

I’m cool with being single every other day of the year and there’s no reason for that to change because of a froofy holiday. And if we’re all being honest here, who doesn’t want—nay, need— a day where it is socially acceptable to eat an entire box of chocolates and drink an entire bottle of wine and get flowers for yourself? No one! Don’t kid yourselves! Not to mention that I have the best friends in the world, literally, I do, and this is just another reason to commemorate their fantasticness without everyone rolling their eyes at me, again. A reason to eat, drink, and be merry. 

In short, what I guess I’m saying, is that last night in DC my friend and I went to CVS where we happened upon an inebriated individual flopping around near the check out line. As we approached her we found out she was trying to buy the dude in front of her a flower for Valentine’s Day to which he curtly responded that he had it covered because he was getting himself some. (Whatever, dick.) Not one to be shot down, apparently, she turned to us, yelled about how sexy we were, and insisted on giving the $4 single yellow rose she had just bought to one of us. Kristen took it and the girl was promptly shuffled out of the store by her friend who came out of seemingly no where. It was kind of awesome. 

Anyway, two thoughts came to my mind in that instant: 1. I have definitely been that drunk in a CVS before and 2. That girl is the only one here doing it right. Let this be a reminder to myself next year when I am inevitably in the same situation, oscillating between level 1 and level 2 Valentine’s Day anxiety. Stop filling my Twitter timeline with loneliness, and stop taking this day so seriously. Have a good time with your significant others or alternatively, go guiltlessly indulge in Ryan Gosling’s abs via some ridiculous Rom Com, like me. :)

disheveled CVS valentine’s day aisle, or an accurate depiction of my psyche.

choose your own adventure.